“How did we come to this?”
“How did we end up here?”
How do you begin a letter to someone you love, but who is also a source of pain, grief, and hurt?
The whole of creation is groaning.
My own heart is angry, full of sorrow, and so desperate for my loved ones to hear my cries.
The cries of so many.
The blood of our brothers and sisters are crying out from the ground for justice and revenge.
Just like Abel.
The blood of Christ is calling out for repentance, reconciliation, and restoration.
Just like MLK.
But in order for you to understand the depth of my pain, you must first know why I love my church family.
I love my church family because they showed up when others stepped out of my life.
They have showed up for the last twenty years of my life.
I love my church family because they created space for a hurt, angry, confused, and curious little teenager to work through a lot of deep wounds and misguided perceptions.
I love my church family because they genuinley sought to bring comfort to the hurting, offer guidance to the lost, rest for the weary, and honored and fought for the dignity of each human life.
I love my church family because it was here that I was introduced to the powerful testimony of Christ on the cross for my sins and the radical love of God to bestow upon me new life through His Son’s death.
I love my church family, because they pointed me to Christ.
And that is why this pain, anger, hurt, confusion, and fear is so maddening. My heart keeps breaking for you. Because I can’t make sense of what is happening between the silence of my church family who has taught me so much of the Good News of Christ, and the groanings of a deeply broken and hurting world that needs to hear and see Christ more than ever. Have we chosen the path of the Levi and the priest, instead of the Good Samaritan?
And I find myself pleading for my church family to be just that: the church.
The silence is deafening.
The inaction feels like betrayal.
I don’t want to step away from you. But I feel like I may no longer have a choice.
I must follow Jesus.
And that might mean following Him away from you, my church family whom I love.
I have been wrestling with this choice for sometime now.
Even before all that has been occurring in the world the last 3 months, the last 3 weeks, the last 3 days.
I could barely step into our family home last year. I felt like an imposter.
Acting one way on the outside, but feeling so many conflicting things on the inside.
So I just stayed away.
Some people asked why I didn’t just leave.
And my response has always been, because God did not release me from my assignment here.
But, the last few months have been a season of listening, praying, and discerning. Seeking to be obedient and not fearful.
“I don’t want to miss a word you are speaking, because everything you say is life to me.
I don’t want to miss one word, quiet my heart, I’m listening.”
And last Monday, the Lord gave me this word for us, His church and offered me release:
“But alas my faithful and brave warriors, my ambassadors of peace, whom I have called for a purpose, let these injustices anger you, but do not let anger consume you, for that is what the evil one would have you do. Judgement will be mine. The evil one will distract you from the DIVIDING WALLS that are on the brink of being torn down. And now more than ever the world must see us preach in word and deed the Gospel!!
I AM is on the move, the SPIRIT is on the move. We are living in a moment that is ‘just a time as this.’ And therefore I will no longer be shaken or distracted from the glorious assignment I have be given—and that is to share the truth of Jesus Christ and preach good news to the poor, to bind up the broken-hearted, proclaim freedom for the captives, help release from darkness the prisoners, comfort the mourning, and to help bestow upon God’s people and creation a crown of beauty instead of ashes. He is making all things new.” (Isaiah 61: 1,3 & Revelations 21:5)
I feel released, for this moment, from the need to engage those in my church family who chose to close their ears, harden their hearts, and remain blind and will not place my energy there, for God is expanding my assignment! I am resolute, and my eyes remain on Christ Jesus and on the mountain top of Calvary! There is no turning back.